Feeling responsible for schizophrenic husband?

My husband is ten years younger than I am. I have known him for eight years,we have been married for 2. The most difficult years ever. Weeks after we married he started leaving (taking my car)for days at a time.he was always telling me how horrible I was. He said I was evil and would get mad at me for keeping power from him and not telling him the secrets. He said I was not a woman. He called me a (and he knows that I am a saved christian) all the time. He taunted me teased me, erased my phone numbers, stole from me, was in and out of jail (of course me going to get him) totaled my car, cheated, lied, caused me to lose my job, slapped me more than once, etc. I got a break every time he ended up in jail. Sometimes months. They would put him on meds but after release treatment did not continue. I wasnt made aware of his condition until I spoke to the doctors that cared for him. Before that I just prayed and prayed and tried to be strong for whatever would happen next. I couldn't talk to anyone, I didn't want to talk badly of himto anyone regardless of how I felt. I was so lonely and cried more than I ever did my whole life. After I found out his problem I felt some relif and I must admit I also felt burdoned because I had a feeling that this could be a lifetime thing. As things progressed he became more withdrawn and less violent and menacing. He was catatonic at one point and ended up in the hospital twice after fainting.We had been kicked out of my mothers house and were in a shelter at the time. The shelter even asked us to leave because he was making everyone extremely uncomfortable. With absolutely no where to go and felling like I was dragging a corpse around behind me I let him go to his mother. That night he was calling me to come get him. I refused. The next day he was in the hospital.His mother called me to tell me to come out there bedause 3 security guards were chasing him cause he kept trying to leave. he had already been kept invoulentarily and after testing transferred to the phyc.ward. Now he couldnt tell me that nothing was wrong. I told him that we could not be together if he does not take meds. He agreed. He came back, we were still homeless (I lost the last 2 jobs I had dealing with his illness) back in another shelter but thank God he was on meds. Still not his self at all but a far cry from that horrible person I had experienced. With no income,no inurance,extrenely mimimal family support, we could not afford his meds.His outpatient nurse saw that he was 'functioning' (he had a job, we were back at my mothers) after being off meds for a month and discontinued them aganst my will. I did requst a back up med just in case of a relapse. I was so scared and mad at her.Things ended up gradually spiraling downwards.In these last 2 weeks he was fired. He won't bathe or brush his teeth and has an attitude when I mention it. It smells like I live with a bumb sometimes and now he has a mouth infection of some sort.(Lord help me!) There is no conversation we spend most our time in different rooms, we have to leave here very soon because he is now making my mom uncomfortable, yet again (God Bless her for putting up with this).I get no affection, care or concern. what used to be a loving intimate ual relations have become ramdom with no emotion. Every time I leave the house he looks at but won't touch me. wont talk to me. I feel guilty for even writing about this but I feel like I need meds myself. I dont hink he loves me anymore. Not sure how much of his behavior is him and how much is the illness. I wonder if he is only here because he has no where else to go. I kinda wish that he did. I dont have a problem sticking with him. I promised God that I would do that through sickness and health. I just hate to think that I'm going through all of this for someone who is with me by default,Because no one else want him or can handle. I got him to start taking the backup med and he has an appointment in 2 weeks to resume therepy. I try to talk about our relationship when I see a glimpse of lucidity in him but it does not work. I cant wait until he is capable to talk this through. I'm tierd of crying and my heart wrenching. I'm 33 looking like 22 and he is 22 but looks like 30. I want to experience joy and love in my life. I cannot bring myself to cheat, not even to get the affection I crave. Not even though he has. I want children. I waited and prayed to get married. I clensed with 14 months of celibacy (of which i I let him break). I cut out a lot and did a lot of soul searching and praying, then I finally get married and........God Bless every man and woman out there who has suffered what I have. You are not alone . There is a brigher day,you gotta belive that. I do.